Continuing with the 'oats for lunch' tradition.

Oh, and here's a mid morning snack.

After lunch I was still feeling a bit hungry, so I decided to treat myself, and have one of the Sweet William chocolates my mum put in my birthday goodie bag. It was only tiny, but it was still good to know that I was challenging myself, and challenging ED, even by just eating this tiny little vegan chocolate.

Plus it was yummy.

Other than that, blog reading, and sipping on copious amounts of ginger tea, I haven't been up to much today. My friend and I were meant to go to the beach, seeing as the weather was forecast to be 28 degrees, but it was raining and grey this morning so we decided to do it another time. I have to write a list of the food mum and I need to take with us to our 'in transit' house, because we have bought many things whilst living here, that only we (well basically I) eat.

I've already prepared dinner for tonight, because with my chickpea curry I have noticed that it tastes even better than usual if you leave it for a few hours, because the spices really sink in.

Love you, have a great day :)


Last night my mum and I had a long conversation about things. Things in general, as well as my feelings. Some of you may know that for the past three months I've been living with my grandparents, as well as my mum, who I normally live with.

Of course I love my family, but my grandma can be very analytical and critical about everything I do, wear, or, as it has come to light lately, eat. She never seems to be happy with me, and I always feel upset or flustered after talking to her, because she seems to want to turn every conversation into a form of argument. She also can make quite harsh comments that stick with me a while. If I say I'm cold, for example, (this happened yesterday), she'll say it's because I have no fat on me. When I'm cooking something to eat, she always asks what it is, then proceeds to turn her nose up at it or make some other comment. She's good friends with my great-aunt - who has a daughter, my cousin, who is the same age as me who I'm close friends with - and constantly tells me how S does this, and S does that, and oh my S is just so perfect and why aren't you like her? 

I remember, back when I had lost a bit of weight, but was just down to a healthy weight, she would still poke my stomach and say "you just need to get rid of that tummy now". It's like, when I was overweight and healthy she would make horrible comments, and now that I'm the way I am now she still makes those comments. What will ever make her happy? I doubt anything will. And living here, where I'm home most of the time at the moment because school has finished/I had lots of spare periods, and she only works twice a week, I just feel so....isolated. And my mum has been focusing on her new job, and hasn't really been home that much, so I feel alone, and suffocated, and isolated, and upset. I told her this last night, and I actually got quite upset when I told her pretty much what I just told you guys - that she makes hurtful comments, and makes me feel inadequate. We hugged for a long time, and she apologized for not being around, and reminded me that her and I are a team, and that it's always going to be her and I, no matter what. This made me feel more reassured, and I felt a bit better.

Thank goodness we're moving into our short-term place on Saturday, is all I can say. I think that recovery will be so much easier without all the problems here.

<3 Thanks for reading my long rant, I love you all.
No photos again today, sorry. I have misplaced my camera, hopefully I find it when I'm packing!! There's a few things I need to find.

I had some fruit and carrots for breakfast, followed by a lovely lunch of porridge. I love having porridge for lunch, because, well I love porridge in general, and I feel like having it at lunch gives me more time to enjoy it.


The audition went okay last night, my voice cracked on some of the top notes of the scales, but other than that I think I did okay. I can't remember when I'm supposed to find out whether I got in or not, I think it's within the next week or so. 90 people auditioned apparently, and there are 45 spots. Keep your fingers and toes crossed!!

It's so warm today, it's about 28 degrees and so beautiful!! Really unusual for Melbourne weather, because our weather is usually so unpredictable, but mostly cold/stormy/windy/rainy. Today is just nice and sunny and bright, it's so nice.

I'm about to go watch some Veronica Mars. Have a good afternoon!!


Tonight I have an audition for a yabc (musical theatre) tour. I'm really nervous, I can't remember my monologue off by heart, and my voice is giving me trouble. I don't want to go anymore, but I really want to at the same time. I hate nerves :(

This morning I went for blood tests, and I had to get jabbed twice because the lady forgot to put the vacuum seal on the needle!! Double ouch.

I forgot to take photos today, but I promise I'll remember tomorrow.



So, I'm eighteen.


Yesterday was quite a relaxing day, I watched gossip girl, went out for coffee with my mum during her lunch break, went out for dinner with my mum and my grandparents, and then went out for a cocktail with my mum. All in all an enjoyable day, but it went a bit too fast :(

I think I definetly started the day off right:

Everyone was at work, so I sang happy birthday to myself :P

Today I went to the doctors, for a checkup. Tomorrow I'm getting blood tests, and this week I have to keep a food diary for my doctor, so they can see what might be affecting my stomach. Hopefully it all clears up.

On another note, I'm still lying here, watching gossip girl. I might go out and get some fresh air later on in the afternoon, but for now I'm quite content to watch television and read blogs, and relax the day away.

After all, we only get one life, don't we?
We must live it to the fullest.


Today was my last day of being seventeen.

I wasn't feeling too well this morning, still, but remembering the lovely Eliza's challenge, I still enjoyed a (late) breakfast.

English muffin with fruits of the forest jam.

It was great, and I think I enjoyed it even more knowing that I was challenging myself.

This afternoon/tonight my auntie, uncle and my two young cousins came over to celebrate my birthday. We had a bbq for dinner, and I had some vegie sausages and salad. I also enjoyed some of my birthday cake, even though my tummy was still unhappy. I figured, it's my birthday, I should just do it. I'm really excited for tomorrow, I got one of my presents tonight, from my uncle and auntie, which was season two and the beginning of season three of gossip girl. Can you guess what I'll be doing tomorrow? :P I still have yet to recieve the other present from them, and I will be opening that and my other presents tomorrow night when I go out for dinner with my grandparents and my mum.

I'll leave you with this photo, taken tonight of my 5-year old cousin and I.



I think I should probably clear something up in regards to my last post.

The photos on the blog are not all that I eat. I eat much more than this, the photos are just basically from when I remember to take them, which at school is kind of hard to do.  I am quite the snacky girl, I'm sure you'd realize if you knew me, and I definetly don't just eat what is pictured here.

Thanks girls.
I feel sick/sore/slightly nauseous.


Not so good when you have to go to dancing for 3 hours. Yeah.

I haven't been in a very good mood today. I woke up several times throughout the night feeling nauseous, and I almost wished I could just throw up and get it over with, but my body seems to have some weird no vomit rule. Okay, that's gross, sorry. Anyway, I was making breakfast, trying to get some nutrients before the big 3 hour slog, and my grandpa says "are you really going to eat all that?"

I'm sorry, but not exactly the best question to ask someone, I mean he probably doesn't know that I have/had ED, but it's still not the nicest thing to ask a young girl. After he said it, my mind started racing with "yeah you don't need this, you're sick anyway" but I still ended up making and eating my oats, even if it was a challenge to stomach it. Then my grandma says to me, after breakfast, I really need to go see a doctor because she thinks I'm not getting enough iron, and that's why I'm getting so nauseous. Fair enough. Okay. But then when my mum comes in, my grandma goes on to berate her and say that I really need to go see doctors, because I'm looking (quote) "skeletal". What a great thing, because ED really thrived on it. I tried to push ed out of my head, it was such a big challenge because all I wanted to do after that was go back to bed. In the car mum commented that I had been looking a bit too thin, and ed was like "too thin? show her too thin" but I shut it up.

Sorry about this post being a downer, but I feel really disgusting and blahh and wish my body would just let me be sick so I can feel better. Then my mood might increase. Hopefully I feel better by monday (my birthday).


Love you.


Today was muck up day.
Or at least, it was supposed to be.

I got up, got ready, and the beginnings of nausea came on. Not a fun thing first thing in the morning. I thought it was perhaps because I hadn't had anything to eat, so I fixed myself some blueberry oats.

These didn't help. I still felt as though I needed to stay around a bathroom at all times. 10am came, the time I was meant to leave for school, and I still felt horrible. There I was, sitting in my costume, upset because I couldn't go to muck up day. I was shattered.

I had to keep forcing myself to eat all day, because I knew that if I didn't, I would most likely feel worse. Here's some of my eats:

oh so steamy.

+ unpictured items.

Even though today didn't turn out the way I planned, and I ended up missing out on a rite of passage, I spent an otherwise nice day snuggled on the couch with my grandma making me feel better (well trying to). Tomorrow I have yabc, so hopefully I feel better for that.

I'll leave you with this photo of me pre-sicky tummy

Can you guess who I was?


What a lovely way to start the morning, a pink lady apple with cinnamon on top. And a morning snack of a berry fruit leather.

Today was my last day of high school, and it was a bit bizarre. I got to school earlier than usual, during my free period, because I had to do a Media sac and hand in some Literature work in order to pass. I had made a plan with my Media teacher to do the sac, and I had told him that I'd meet him at his office during my free period. I got to school, went to his office, waited ten twenty minutes, and then figured that he wasn't showing up. Freaking out just a little bit, I went and gave in my Literature work, and then decided to go into the city to buy shoes for tomorrow to go with my costume.

Lunch was cold oats with blueberries. Each bite tasted like blueberry muffin. I wish they were warm oats, but I really wanted them for lunch. I didn't use the fork by the way, that was waiting to be put into my lunchbox. :)

On my way back to school, I bought a larabar for my mum, and decided to try out a new bar for me. I didn't manage to get a good picture of the wrapper today, but because I only ate half of it, I'll take a picture tomorrow. It was blueberry muffin crunch flavour, and it tasted like cookie dough, almost. It was a bit more processed tasting than a larabar, but still good. The other half of my afternoon snack was carrots.

I don't know why I felt the need to show you what carrots look like. :)
Dinner, which shall be consumed soon, is a beetroot salad. In my wiggles lunchbox.

I'm so glad to be finished with high school, you have no idea. I did manage to pass media, by the way. My media teacher said he will just use the results from one of my practice sacs.Tomorrow is muck up day, and I shall reveal my costume to you afterwards. Then I have a week of studying/my birthday week, then exams start. I'm feeling pretty confident, I just think I need to manage my anxiety a bit better so that things that have happened in some sacs this year don't happen in exams.

Have a nice morning/afternoon/night!!


This morning I had some banana bread for breakfast. It was delicious.
Lunch was fruit salad, unphotographed.

Today the weather was so nice, apart from the wind. I was boiling when I got home, so I had a mango sorbet.

It's so so so so good and it cooled me right down.
Dinner was unphotographed, it was mash pumpkin and falafel. I always have a way of coming up with weird food combinations.

(As of tomorrow)
1 day left of high school (thursday is my last day).
5 days until my eighteenth birthday.
29 days until the end of exams.

Have a nice night.


My porridge turned out way better this morning. I didn't add any cocoa powder.

Today was my third last day of high school. Celebration/muck up day is on friday, and I have Wednesdays off, so those days don't count. I only had one class (International Studies) where I completed my last ever International Studies SAC!! It felt so good.

When I got home I made myself some lunch, which was chickpea curry. It was yummy.


After lunch I decided to make some banana bread. It didn't really turn out well, and turned out short. I still ate two pieces (naughty girl, I know) because it was delicious!! This will make a perfect breakfast for tomorrow morning, because I never have time for porridge on Tuesdays and always have to rush it in. My stomach hurts, I think it's because of having the extra food, I don't know. Oh well :S

I spent my free time today making a countdown to the things I'm looking forward to.
(As of tomorrow)
2 days left of high school.
6 days until my eighteenth birthday.
30 days until the end of exams.

I can't wait for the second thing especially ;)

Have a nice afternoon/night!!


That looks pretty, doesn't it?
Well it looked great, but wasn't so satisfying taste-wise. This was oats with cocoa powder, and the usual sprinklings of cinnamon, mixed spice and brown sugar. These were added after, as I didn't like the taste of the plain cocoa-fied oats. I could've started over, but I really really really hate wasting food. Especially oats.

So I guess I learnt why I never stray from my usual combination of flavours. How disappointing!!

Tonight, my family were going to a barbecue, and I had to go, so I decided to bring something for me. I knew if I didn't, I would probably have nothing.

I made falafels!
The box said 6 servings, but I managed to make about twenty little balls of falafel.

They smelled soooo good, I wish I could send the smell through the computer, it was that good. The falafel tasted pretty good too, but I think they need to be a bit more heated next time I eat them (but that was because everyone took ages to get to the table).

Tomorrow is my third last day of high school. Woah. It's so satisfying yet scary to say that. I can't wait for it all to be over so it can a) be my birthday and b) just be finished!!

Hopefully tomorrow my oats turn out better.


Hello there :)

Breakfast this morning was quick and unphotographed, because I had yabc at 9am. Afterwards, I was meant to go to a lecture for International Studies, but I was feeling headachy and tired, so I went home to enjoy a salad for lunch.

Then this snack.

They don't taste too much like strawberries, they smell delicious though. And of course, sultanas are always yummy, and this packet is so cute!!

For dinner, I tried something new, and kind of just experimented a bit. I had bulghur, with some curry spice and nutritional yeast. There was also some cherry tomatoes on the side.
Note to self: bulghur is yummy. This will definetly be making a reappearance.

I'm all full now, and I'm so exhausted. It's not even that late yet!! I still haven't been to the gym today, so I might let my dinner digest for a bit and then do that. Oh my goodness it's so freezing here. Melbourne weather is so unpredictable. And my grandparents refuse to turn the heater on. I'm almost shivering!! :(

Oh well, I think I'll go read some blogs now. Love you all.



Since the lovely Eliza and Karina said they would like to see my media work, I thought I'd start off by posting a couple of the photos in this post. These are the ones that they put on display, there was about 12 in total in the collection. They're based on a poem I wrote, my friend was the model.

Last night I was looking in the programme, and under 'highly commended' students, I couldn't find my name!! For a while I thought maybe I actually hadn't won an award. But then the presenter explained that the piece of paper attached to the programme (the one I was reading) was students who were highly commended on their work, but didn't win an award. Then I looked again, and I realized that I didn't just win any award, but I won the award for 'Best photography production'!!!!
I was so happy and suprised!!

Here's my award.

I won a mini external hard drive.

Tonight I'm having chickpea curry for dinner, I can't wait.

Love you all.



My porridge has been very thick and fluffy lately. I love it. I'm still sticking with my usual combo of brown sugar, cinnamon and mixed spice, but I'm thinking of trying some cocoa powder in them this weekend. Has anyone else tried this?

Last night I was in a bit of a mood because there was no oats left!! Well, why not try something else for breakfast you say? I'm reluctant to give up my favourite food, and it always leaves me feeling happy and satisfied. My grandma drove me to the supermarket last night on her way to squash, but they had NO OATS?!?!? What kind of supermarket would have run out of oats?

Luckily, my grandmother is lovely, and even though her work is a ten minute walk away, this morning before she left, she drove me to another supermarket where I found my beloved oats. Then she drove me back home so I could go to the gym and continue my day as usual!

After she left, I spent the morning reading blogs, and watching some television. Mid-morning I had a lovely snack of an apple.

And here's some of my lunch. I always pack my lunch in my wiggles lunchbox, then remember I'm eating at home!! It's a habit with me on Thursdays.

I'm currently enjoying some sultanas. Dinner will be quick and light, because after a bit of my evening class I have to go to my school's art show opening because I won an award for my media photography!! I recieved a phone call last night from my principal, who wanted to tell me the news (when I heard her voice on my answering machine I thought I was in trouble!). I hate getting up in front of everyone, but it will be good to see my work on display (if not a little embarrassing).
Oh well!!
Have a nice afternoon/night.


I'm about to go play the Sims 3, but before I do....

This will just be a short post, because I'm really tired and all I feel like doing is playing the Sims.

Next Friday is my last day of year 12, and we have a day called "muck up day" where we have to dress up. The theme this year is "favourite movie character". I'm completely blank for this, I have no idea what/who to dress up as?

Any ideas??

I'll be forever grateful!!

Good night


The birthday countdown continues..

14 days.

Today was a pretty normal day, I had my monday class (International Studies), then went home and had an easy lunch. Later on in the afternoon I went for a walk up to the supermarket to get some things for my grandma, and returned an hour (!) later. I just get caught up in supermarkets, they soothe me so much....wow I'm weird. I came home and put on part of my dinner, because this part usually takes a while. I had decided on having pumpkin fries, with apple cinnamon puree/sauce. The portion I cut up seemed big enough when I measured it/put it in the oven, but I forgot one important thing: when you put pumpkins/sweet potatoes in the oven, they shrink!!


Oh well, they still tasted yum, with sprinklings of cinnamon and paprika over the top.
I also had some cherry tomatoes and capsicum on the side.

When I went down to the gym an hour after dinner, I was happily doing my sudoku on the exercise bike when another lady came in. This gym isn't an actual gym by the way, it's the gym in my grandparent's apartment building. For some reason, I get really intimidated when there's other people in the gym. And I wanted to do my sit ups afterwards, but I hate doing them in front of people, so I stayed on the bike an extra 20 minutes!! I guess it was good, extra exercise, but the lady kept staring at me and freaking me out.

Anyway, I have a Media SAC tomorrow morning first up, so I should really study.. I always find it hard to get up on tuesday mornings, and fit in everything, breakfast, etc. Oats take too long, but nothing fills me up like they do.



Just thought I'd do a quick post about my dinner.

I've had a craving for mexican food for a while, so mum and I decided to use the Healthy Fiesta burrito kit by Old el Paso. We used chickpeas instead of meat, and it turned out great.

I had two of these.

I feel as though I've had a really indulgent day today. First pancakes, then gelato when we were in the city, now burritos. It's as though I can't really justify it to myself. I know that these things were quite healthy, but my stomach and ed don't seem to be thanking me.

I don't know, it's as if whatever I eat is wrong somehow.

Sorry about making the post a downer. I'm off to the gym to try my new workout ball that I got today
After going for my traditional Sunday morning walk/grocery shopping with my mum, we decided we deserved some pancakes. Not just any kind, mind you, these were

Chocolate Pancakes

We started off with a pancake mix I had bought a few weeks ago, but never used.

Then we added water, as the mix suggested, and added some cocoa powder. And half an hour later (we made a whole batch, warming them in the oven so we could eat together) was our brunch of chocolate pancakes!!


They were tiny, and we had about six mini ones each. The pancakes weren't too filling, or sweet, and tasted like chocolate souffle!!


After indulging our tummies, we are going to go on another walk into the city. It's really nice weather, so there's no use wasting it!!



I love sultanas.

Also known as raisins. They're sweet, but satisfying. Above is the little pack I had for my afternoon snack today.

I woke up sooo early this morning, went to the gym, had breakfast, then went to my first yabc class for term four. It was good, except I felt faint and weak during dance warm up, and couldn't do any of the jumps/turns, because I was all dizzy. We learnt our last song for the end of year concert, it's so short!! Seriously, it's like 1 minute long.

My mum picked me up from yabc, which was nice, because usually I have to wait twenty five minutes for the train. We went to go pick up the mail, and I saw that I had a letter from my PPK penpal!! I felt really bad though, because the letter had obviously come a couple of weeks ago. But we haven't checked our PO Box in a month, because we've been so busy trying to find a house :S

When we got home, I made myself a yummy chickpea curry, and a cup of ginger tea. I chilled out by watching glee, reading blogs, and watching the Simpsons movie.

Today has been a relaxing day. I have an idea in the works for tomorrow's breakfast, so hopefully it works out well and I can show you all tomorrow!!


Today was quite uneventful. I don't even have any photos (sorry)!!

This morning I had an early breakfast, because today was a Friday (one of my full days, like Tuesday). I got to school just in time for a Philosophy SAC, the last Philosophy one ever!! I feel like I did okay on it, considering I didn't really understand the texts we were analyzing, I wrote 3 and a bit pages.

Next I had Literature, which was a bit of a yawn (as always). I feel like year 12 Literature has sucked my love of books from me. It's quite boring at the moment, but I only have three more classes of it left forever!!
 At lunchtime I didn't do much. Well I spent basically the whole time on the phone with my mum, because she had to fix something with my university application. Then I went and bought Lara bars to send to Lucy <3

After lunch I had Media, which was alright. We were revising for a SAC that's on Tuesday. My Media teacher makes me laugh, he kept coming in (he was back and forth between the classroom and the computer lab where some of the other students were) and singing tv theme songs, making us guess what the song was from. It was hilarious!!

After school I caught up with a few of my yabc (musical theatre) friends, from the group I got promoted from mid year. I miss them, but the group is so different now, I much prefer mine. Speaking of which, I have my first class back for the term tomorrow morning at 9am.

Sorry about such a boring post, my day was really not very exciting at all!!


Today started off well enough, with my usual bowl of oats.

I felt quite confident and ready for my International Studies SAC (test), and spent the morning revising, as you can see below.

My International Studies books + lunch: apple strawberry puree, strawberries.

I felt so ready for this SAC, you have no idea. I got on the tram and train happily, walked from the station into school, and sat down at my desk. My teacher handed out the papers, and as soon as I turned mine over, I begun reading (we had ten minutes reading time). It was as though the questions were no longer in English, the paper blurred and the words distorted, and I couldn't take any of it in. I couldn't think straight, tears formed, and my brain turned to mush. I stood up and quietly asked the teacher if I could speak to her in the hallway. She's going to let me re take the SAC next week, thank goodness. I was asked to go home. On the way home I burst into tears and had to stop in an empty park to sit there and sob. The thoughts going through my mind were definetly not Amy's thoughts, they were ed's. This made me even more upset, and I managed (slowly) to get on the train and go home.

I debated not having a snack when I got home, but I felt so weak and shaky that I really needed to have one. The snack was one of the positives of my day, it was a fruit bar that I got for 20c at the supermarket yesterday, that mum and I bought quite a few of.

The flavour was mixed berry, and it was made completely out of dried fruit.

At the moment I'm just lying on the couch, reading blogs and watching cartoons. It's soothing, in a way.
I don't exactly know what happened today, but I hated it.


Good afternoon, lovelies. I find it funny saying that when there is a photo of porridge above this sentence, but it is actually afternoon here. Above is what I had for breakfast this morning, after a nice sleep in and leisurely cycle on the exercise bike. 1/2 cup of oats, soaked in 1.5 cups of water, with sprinklings of cinnamon, mixed spice and 1 tsp of brown sugar. The mixed spice has cinnamon in it already, but not enough for my liking, hence the extra cinnamon.

I have Wednesdays off, so today I managed to sleep in until 9am, before my usual exercise routine, then home for the oats above. After that I caught up on some blogs, then started studying for a International Studies SAC that I have tomorrow :\

I went for a nice walk up to the grocery store before lunch time, in which I bought nothing for myself!! Only groceries for my grandparents. I had two lovely cups of lemon and ginger tea after lunch, and treated myself to two coconut-rice bites.

I watched the Flinstones and the Jetsons this morning, which made my day :)

Have a lovely rest of the day.


This morning I had 1/2 cup of oats cooked in water, with mixed spice (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice). It was yum, I love spices. I've started questioning how much oats I put in, how much do you guys put in??

I had a full day at school today, and at recess I had a small banana. I had a really long philosophy class, in which I thought I was going to have a SAC, but it turned out I wrote the date down wrong, and it is actually on Friday. That made my day a bit better.

Lunch was soooo good. In my new lunchbox I had strawberries, and one of my apple cinnamon purees. It was my first time trying these, and I have to tell you, so so so so good. The cinnamon ratio was perfect, and the apples were yum. Who would've guessed that these were from the 'baby food' section?

Oh, here's a picture of my lunchbox. Ain't it cute?

And here's one of the things I bought yesterday: Coconut-Rice Bites, and Apple Cinnamon purees.

Well, season one of Sabrina calls.
Love you all.


Breakfast this morning was the usual - Porridge with cinnamon and brown sugar. You may see that this bowl is different than my usual blue bowls, last week I bought a cute hello kitty bowl from safeway.
I've been meaning to try a new breakfast, but I don't know, porridge is so safe to me, and it keeps me full, so I don't really want to try anything else. I want to try a recipe for apples in porridge that I recieved in a comment, but I haven't got sultanas yet, so I can't do that yet. Yesterday I bought some cloves, and today I bought mixed spice, so I might try these tomorrow in my porridge, sans sugar.

Tonight, mum and I walked up to Passion Foods, where I have never been before. It's really nice, and I saw a lot of things I would've liked to look at, but we didn't have much time. We ended up buying some coconut bite things, and some apple cinnamon puree/sauce. I'll put photos of them up tomorrow, because my grandparents and mum are currently in the room and look at me weirdly when I photograph my food.

Today was the first day of the last term of school. My last term of school, ever!! I'm so excited, because I really just want it to be over. It's getting so monotonous, and it's making me a bit stressed as well. Bring on exams, so I can just get them over with!!

Anyway, I have a sac tomorrow for Philosophy, which I haven't studied for, so I should go do that now.

Have a great day



I'm feeling better today.
Last night I went a bit crazy, so forgive me?

This morning I woke up and forgot that it was daylight savings, and my phone hadn't changed time. So instead of being 8.30am, it was actually 9.30am. I got up, went to the gym. I came back early because I felt sick. I felt as though I couldn't stomach anything, but forced myself to eat a banana because mum and I were about to go on a walk. I'm glad I did, because we got back at 11.30am.

For brunch I had blueberry pancakes, and they were delicious. My afternoon snack whilst watching Veronica Mars was half an orange. Yummm. I'm starting to get back into them, after ages of not getting them for some reason. I think they're rivalling apples for my love :)

I'm not sure what I'll have for dinner yet, but I'm thinking maybe chickpea curry again. I love it, plus we don't have much else in the house at the moment. It's only 3pm, so my craving may change.

I just wanted to thank you guys for your comments, and thank some of you for inspiring me to nourish myself, and enjoy life. Most of my inspiration in the past few days has come from these two lovelies, Maya and Eliza, so I want to thank them both :)

Have a great day.


This may be triggering.

 I hate parties. I never used to, but now I do.
People kept saying how they couldn't recognize me, how different I looked. One of my great aunties actually said "you look good, but don't lose any more. you've lost too much, you can't lose any more." That annoyed me so much, and made me so angry for reasons I can't even explain. And the whole night I was freezing, I couldn't seem to get warm, and my family friend C kept saying "you need some body fat, then you'd be warm". Ed loved this, and told me I have way too much body fat.

I ate so many nuts last night, when I got home I felt horrible, and I literally looked pregnant. This morning I tried to eat normally, so I had some porridge and a banana. Then mum and I walked into the city and stopped for lunch. We shared indian food, and I wish I hadn't have had it. I hate eating things when I don't know what's in it, and I was screaming on the inside to stop, just stop eating. We went shopping. Then on the way home we shared a blueberry muffin. It tasted so good, but I don't know. It's like I can't even enjoy normal food anymore because ed screams at me. I walked so much today, but I couldn't justify eating what I did.

Before, I didn't mean to do it, but I body checked. I looked pregnant again, and I actually started to cry. I felt so hopeless, as though the last two days of eating have made me fat again, made me go back to where I hated being. I just want to run, but I can't run, because I can't breathe properly when I do. I just want to burn everything I ate today, and do some sit ups or something, but I can't ever do sit ups for a long time without my body going spastic.

I don't know, I don't know what to do. My brain says it's just an off day, but ed says restrict restrict restrict tomorrow.

I can't do this much longer.

Sorry if this triggers anybody, I really am sorry.


This morning I had oats with layered banana, inspired by the lovely Eliza.
Oats, cooked in water, with layers of banana, and pinches of cinnamon and brown sugar.

It was yummy, and started my day off well. Today will probably be quite busy, because tonight is my grandma's 60th birthday party, so today I'm helping her get ready for it, buying stuff, etc. That's why I decided to blog this morning, because I probably won't get any other time throughout the day.

Ooh, something exciting that I realised today:
In 24 days (pretty much), it will be my 18th birthday.
[26th October]
I'm so excited!! It's come so quickly, I can't believe that I'm actually going to be eighteen soon. In a way, I almost don't want to be, I'm kind of reluctant to leave childhood behind. Everything in childhood is safe to me, so it will be a big step to leave it all, and become an "adult".

I'm wearing a new dress tonight, and for some reason that freaks me out. I'm seeing lots of people I haven't seen since July, and I'm worried about the comments they'll make. I hate when people comment on my body, it makes me feel so self-conscious, I hate it. I almost just want to wear my baggy jumper and pyjama pants, I hate that in this dress I will be so visible, that my body will be so obvious.

Well, anyway, sorry for leaving that on a bad note.
I hope you have a lovely day.


Ever had one of those days where all you want to do is get out of the house?
That was my day today. I had porridge and an apple for breakfast, then I had to finish off my International Politics homework, but I was restless and so at around 12pm I decided to go for a walk up to the supermarket. Supermarkets soothe me for some reason.... I have no idea why. I walked around leisurely and got back home at 1.20pm, and had an easy lunch, chickpea curry with 2 pitas. For a late afternoon snack I had another apple, half a Jocolat Chocolate Lara bar and half a Key lime pie Lara bar (which equal 1 larabar, :) ). I felt kind of bad for eating the Lara bar when I haven't done much today, but I was craving one, so I just did it.

I think the reason I hated being stuck home today wasn't the fact that I had to do homework, but more the fact that I was stuck at home with myself, and the mean, controlling part of myself. Considering this, I'm quite proud to say I actually ate what I wanted to eat, for example the Lara bar. Except for the fact that I'm now resisting the urge to exercise, it's all good.

Oh, here's my review of the Key Lime pie Lara:

Something about this bar wasn't to my liking. I love the other two Lara bar flavours I've tried, but this one seemed to have something missing. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not really a lime person. I don't know. It was still yummy, but not my favourite.

For dinner I'm planning on having a nice salad. I love salad, greens make me happy :) and I try to make my salads as multicoloured as possible.

Have a great rest of the day.
p.s the pink shoes in my previous post are from Rubi.